Human beings tend to look toward each other for validation. By placing ourselves under a perceived expectation from others, we begin a maddening never ending search for approval. The kind of stress that comes from constantly comparing and validating oneself through the eyes of our fellow man, is far too much for one person to handle.
When we try gaining acceptance through others ideals of who we ought to be, we lose ourselves and feel guilty when we don’t measure up. Comparison and guilt are both road blocks to self acceptance. We must learn to look to ourselves for validation and love. It is our responsibility to search ourselves to find a peace in who we are. We can not make another person feel worthy when they do not first believe it themselves. So why then do we search out others approval and acceptance if we first do not approve and accept ourselves?
We learn standards in life at a very early age. In school we are graded based on our standard of work, but when our standards do not meet that of our teachers, we fail. The act of failure often times brings guilt and shame. Sometimes in the form of an authority figure telling you “you should have tried harder”, though you had done the best to your ability. We are ashamed that our best couldn’t meet the standard placed before us and feel guilty for letting our teachers down. We become down trodden when these kinds of situation occur frequently. We tent to internalize the words we are told by failure, soon believing them. It is a draining game that never ends. That is until we learn to accept who we are.
Understanding that we are not responsible for others feelings, words or actions, helps to lighten the load of guilt from failure. On the another side of failure we see comparison. We get down on ourselves because we aren’t at the same level as someone else. Cupeling this with guilt is a recipe for low self esteem and even self deprivation. Why do we do this? Why are we searching for affirmation from others when we need only to look to ourselves? By letting go the need to compare ourselves to one another, we can be free to love ourselves as perfectly flawed. Each of us has our own path to follow. This is what makes us uniquely beautiful. When we understand this concept we learn to let go of judgments and comparisons. Pairing this with loving ourselves leads to a peaceful place of self acceptance. Loving and accepting ourselves is not selfish, it is our road to happiness and harmony with in us and our fellow human beings. Be gentle with yourself, you are only human…and so is everyone else.
Peace to you